RED, WHITE & BUSH

By JUDITH HANEY

USNewsLink/January 29, 2002

Interpreting George Bush's various responses to questions posed by White House reporters about why he is stonewalling the GAO's and Congress' investigations into the energy industry's influence on the national energy plan which Cheney's task force formulated, requires
careful analysis, and for what it's worth here's what
we think he is REALLY saying:

A QUESTION FROM THE PESKY PRESS DURING A
PRESS CONFERENCE IN THE ROSE GARDEN:
Mr. President why won't you reveal the names of people who met with you and Vice President Cheney last year when you were developing your domestic and foreign energy policies?

BUSH: (We) should be allowed to hold private consultations in order to "get good, sound opinions" while developing policies.

TRANSLATION:
If you morons in the press really think I'm going to rat my friends out, you're dumber than you look!
What part of NO don't you understand?
Get OUT of my face and leave me the heck alone!
We ain't talking, today, tomorrow, next week, next year, or EVER...got it? Good.

BUSH: "This is part of how you make decisions."

TRANSLATION:
Read my lips. . . back off you media buzzards and pick somebody else's bones for a change. I'm not telling, and that's IT, fins, end of story, period, paragraph...NEXT QUESTION?

BUSH: "We're not going to let the ability for us to discuss matters between ourselves to become eroded. It's not only important for this administration, it's an important principle for future administrations."

TRANSLATION:
If you sneaks in the media actually think I'm going to tell you squat and incriminate myself, my friends, and everybody else who had a hand in Enron's back pocket, you have another think comin' compadres!

BUSH:
"This is not a political issue. This is a business issue that this nation must deal with. Enron made contributions to a lot of people around Washington, D.C. If they came to this administration looking for help, they didn't find any."

TRANSLATION:
If I don't tell, and if Dick doesn't tell, and Condoleeza doesn't tell, and if the rest of the grunts keep their big mouths shut, we just MAY be able to pull this one off.
But we're going to have to sell it strong and sell it long...
no let up...we ALL have to say the very same story and we have to tell it over and over and over again...
that's our story and we're stickin' to it!
I want ALL of us, AND I MEAN EVERYBODY, to just keep on saying the same thing, and MAYBE over the next few months our stories will begin to sound authentic. Because everybody knows if we tell the same story long enough that people will either start to believe us or they will give up asking us those same ridiculous, embarrassing, questions.

Now then everyone join hands in a circle,
and let's pray.