BY Judith Haney BIRMINGHAM, AL, November 1, 2005 How doth she love him, let us count the ways . . . We don't know how she loves him, all we know is that it had better be good 'cause he just went out and bought her a big ol' diamond ring. And if she doesn't love him REAL good, she won't get that matching set of earrings and pendant that I suggested he buy her for Christmas and for her next birthday. I talked to him last night and he laid the BIG news on me that he's going to get married. During our conversation he didn't say that he dropped down on one bad knee to ask for the girl's hand. All he said is that he "proposed" and that the wedding is set for early next year. The first thing out of my mouth was, "well why on earth aren't you doing it on or before December 31st to take advantage of the marriage deduction?" You see, from my stand point he can always get married, but he can't ALWAYS have a quick tax deduction by doing something a few days ahead of when he otherwise planned to do it. ANYWAY, he is ecstatic about getting married and I'm ecstatic for them both. He said he's going to let her plan the wedding because it is her first walk down the aisle. That his rationale for: "I'm going to sit this one out dear - tell me when to show up at the church dear." In thinking about what kind of gift to send to the blissful two, I am conducting some intensive research. The options are numerous and varied. I am leaning toward buying them several books that range from "Lowering Your Expectations of Your New Wife/Husband" to "Whom GOD hath joined together, let no step-child put asunder." These are two highly educated, thoughtful people, who are about to launch themselves into the low oxygen stratosphere of blended families. He has one teen-aged child at home and she has none. They plan to live in his house - for now. If the first, main, and the primary purpose of marriage is the salvation of the persons being married, then the basis of a second marriage (his) is the same. This tenet is based on the Apostolic injunction, "Better to marry than to burn." I know some former blended families who will say that it is better to burn than to live with someone else's children. It doesn't have to be that way, but the truth of the matter is this, all the love, exchange of vows and diamonds WILL NOT stop blended families from self-destructing unless the parties involved are wise enough to foresee and forestall intentional and unintentional disruption of their married bliss by step-children, step-in-laws, in-laws, siblings, parents, and everyone else who deigns to inappropriately insert themselves into their private and personal business. To succeed in this marriage, they must erect an invisible barrier between themselves as a couple and the rest of the world - that means everyone else is outside that barrier including children, parents, siblings, etc. Without the strength of this invisible barrier, there will be no trust and no basis to build a long-lasting marriage. The two of them must unite as one to be the pillar of strength from which everything else inside and outside of their home flows. Good luck my lovely friends. |
