WHILE IN THE
COMPANY OF WOMEN
by JUDITH HANEY
August 25, 2004
I was
born at the end of World War II.
As a
result of that war many American women left home for the workplace and never went back. My
mother was one of those women.
The women
of 1944 began a journey of independence that modern women take for granted. And
these early women's lives and stories are worth remembering and repeating by those of us
who were fortunate enough to have known and learned from them.
The women
who raised me taught me to be kind, gracious, polite, generous, pretty, charming, to sing,
to display good manners and speak with precise diction. They taught me how to cook, keep
house, sew and wear pretty clothes, and to accept and be accepted by others. These were
important skills that would enhance my success later on as a wife and homemaker.
Some of
my best memories as a child centered around the delicious meals that were cooked in
kitchens I grew up in. Recipes were constantly being shared with relatives and friends. A
new recipe was always an interesting event in our house whether it be a desert, casserole,
or new way to prepare vegetables. Everyone shared a great interest and delight in tasting
a new recipe that had been successfully prepared in someone else's kitchen then brought
home for another artful tryout.
In most
early homes men rarely participated in meal preparation except for grilling meat outside
on the patio. Otherwise, they simply enjoyed the labor and meal preparation of women,
leaving the table and kitchen for the women to clean up. This was the way it was back then
and no one questioned it.
During
the post W.W.II era couples raised their children in an atmosphere of gentility. Sex
was rarely, if ever, discussed openly. It was never discussed in polite society or mixed
company.
In my
limited, protected, world, socializing with others was honed to a fine art. Women's
weekly bridge clubs practiced outdoing each other in desert preparation. There was a
graceful social protocol practiced which required strict adherence, else you were not
invited back. We were taught to display an intense, sincere, interest in others and to be
complimentary, supportive, and to display humility at all times.
No
disruptions or outbursts of any kind were tolerated in the world I lived in. We stuffed
our anger. We ignored insults, put-downs, being the butt of bad jokes, attacks on our
intelligence, and other degradations that women were frequently subjected to back then. We
glided through our lives ostensibly unscathed by the turmoil of others. We practiced
insulating ourselves with country club memberships, and socializing with the same people
year after year. Our lives were predictable.
Following
W.W.II, American women had a choice of staying in the workplace, or returning home to
raise their families. Few women did both.
My
mother, by necessity, stayed in the workplace. She became a nurse and worked in that
capacity for the rest of her life.
Mother
was a physically beautiful woman who was highly intelligent, ambitious - and employed.
These characteristics often placed her outside of the loop of polite society where women
had a great deal of discretionary time to practice the art of being polite, attentive, and
gracious to others. Charity and service work was incorporated into these women's
weekly schedules.
In
contrast, mother was outspoken and intolerant of other's failings. She was jealous of
other women who had more financial security and status. And she was quite vain as a result
of having, as a young girl, been the focus of intense admiration for her beauty.
Mother
often said she wanted to go to Hollywood and be in the movies because she looked so much
like Vivian Leigh. In truth she did look a lot like Vivian Leigh - she was that beautiful.
If mother had gone to Hollywood she might have succeeded for she was stalwart and
accomplished goals she set for herself.
But
mother didn't go to Hollywood. Instead she remained in small town America to perform her
dual role of homemaker and wage earner. Mother did not have time or energy to
participate in the usual social activities of her peers, thus she became isolated from
other women. In these circumstances she was forced to go it alone, shouldering her
disappointments in silence which evolved into bitterness. I have often thought that if
mother had been able to enjoy the regular company of her women friends she would have
enjoyed a happier, more contented, life.
Mother's
disappointment in life eventually crushed her fine spirit turning her naturally generous
personality into one of intolerance and insensitivity. But she weathered life's problems
and raised three children, me being the youngest.
The time
I have spent with other women has enhanced, broadened, and served me in so many ways that
I cannot not begin to describe them all.
I need
the company of women who by their very being teach me essential socialization skills.
In my experience, without this necessary socialization my life might have became
irretrievably broken and disappointing - but thankfully it didn't.
Thank you
to ALL of the women who raised me - my Mother, Addie Mae Jordan Haney, Mary Ann
Haney, Cloy Thompson Blackburn, and Eleanor Saunders Newby. I miss you. You are
always with me wherever I go. |
